


Cincinnati

by sloppily



Category: The Queen's Gambit (TV)
Genre: Chess, F/M, Rivals to Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:07:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27435574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sloppily/pseuds/sloppily
Summary: They don’t talk about anything but chess, Benny and her. It had always been the golden rule to most of Beth’s relationships in life, and Benny had understood it better than most.
Relationships: Beth Harmon/Benny Watts
Comments: 17
Kudos: 153





	Cincinnati

“You’re not going to beat me," Benny puffs out the smoke, staring straight ahead. Before she can open her mouth, he adds- “You’re not. But even if you were, Russia wouldn’t be a good place for you.”

They’re standing outside the cafeteria, looking at the few drunken students still outside as they pass by. Beth had planned to be asleep by now, but speed chess against Benny had been exhilarating and frustrating and she doesn’t think she’d be able to sleep now, anyways. Besides: her only real competition here is standing next to her, missing out on the same amount of sleep and revising.

Still, she doesn’t think he has forgotten, not with how much he still talks about it. “Are you saying Russia was a good place for you, last time?”

“Of course not,” he rolls his eyes, fingers tapping his cigarette impatiently. He’s still only halfway done; Beth’s is already laying on the ground between them. She hadn’t even known he smoked, but he hadn’t hesitated when she had offered him one. “It’s terrible. Everyone only ever talks about how America doesn’t win anymore, and they love to remind you that you’re both the only hope and doomed from the start.

“But then, you know – you remember that they’ve been calling you a prodigy since you were eight, and you don’t win the US Open without thinking you’re some gift from God. So when you’re ten, fifteen moves in and your king’s still safe, you start to believe you’ll be able to trap him.

“And then,” Benny snaps his fingers. He’s still looking straight ahead. “ _Poof._ It might’ve been an obvious move, it might’ve been innocent, but suddenly you startle awake and realize he’s two moves away from checkmating you. You panic and tell yourself that it’s still salvageable, but it’s not and it has been coming for a long time.”

He turns his head to look at her. “Did you know I had to replay the entire match twice just to know where exactly it had gone wrong?”

“You’re still here, though,” Beth says, and she isn’t sure if she means _so it couldn’t have been that bad_ or _I am still here, too_. She knows Benny is aware of what happened in Mexico City. Everyone is.

“I’m still here,” he agrees. “But it wasn’t pretty.”

She can feel his gaze boring in her head, but she doesn’t turn to meet his gaze. They don’t talk about anything but chess, she and Benny. It had always been the golden rule to most of Beth’s relationships in life, and Benny had understood it better than most.

Benny understands her better than most, if only because he understands chess. It’s the kind of thing that rewires your brain, eventually.

“Beth. Beth. Beth, listen to me,” he’s standing in front of her. He’s not touching her, because that’s another thing they don’t do, but it’s a close thing. “I hated myself - I still haven’t forgiven myself for not understanding the implications of castle to G8. But I dealt with it, as much as I could. You wouldn’t. You don’t know how to handle losing.”

“Yet here I am spending an entire night with you,” she bites. Beating her at the Kentucky State Championship, beating her a dozen times at speed chess, even that one afternoon in Cincinnati – they might have been footnotes for him, but they weren’t – aren’t – for her. She’s more familiar with losing than most people give her credit for.

“That’s not the same and you know it,” he says. She realizes she’s only ever seen him look pensive or smug; she doesn’t know what to make of the expression on his face now. “You emptied your entire wallet tonight just for the chance to beat me, and everyone knows you’re not here for me. You can’t spend your entire life chasing rematches from Borgov.”

“I won’t need a rematch if I beat him.” She knows what Benny is trying to say, is aware of her own instability even if no one else thinks so, but – she’s already lost against the Russian once. She wasn’t good enough then, but she’ll be good enough eventually. It’s only a matter of time.

“If”, he echoes. “And what if you lose again? And again? There’s no guarantee you’ll ever even beat him, Beth. Sometimes sheer will isn’t enough – just ask anyone you’ve ever beaten.”

Her shoulders tighten. “Then I’ll just keep practising. I’m not giving up.”

Benny huffs a laugh, but when she looks at him she still can’t make out the expression on his face. It’s not happiness, she thinks. “Trust me, Elizabeth – no one is worried about you giving up.”

It sounds damning, coming from him.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos, comments etc. are all appreciated! :)


End file.
